This Week in WTF is this?!?

You know, I love it here. You know, I hate it here. You know, I am really lucky to be here and be doing this. You know, why the hell did I decide to get into politics. You know, I am lucky just to have a job. You know, I am cursed, I am cursed cursed cursed. You know, I have never been happier in my life. You know, I was so much happier when I was 22 and waiting tables. You know, it’s just going to get worse, all of it. You know, my life is going to get better and better every year until I die. You know you know you know you know no no no you don’t know. You don’t know anything at all. Anything. At. All.

1. Hospice. The word ‘hospice.’ WTF is this??!? Is this a made-up word? Is this another motherfucking made-up word? Is this a word that was made up to sound just a little bit like ‘hospital’ to avoid talking about the end of life? What kind of person would make up a new word like that? A lying word like that? What kind of person would make up a word to cover the truth? What kind of person would sin so fundamentally against the nature of language – that being, communication – that they would make up a word to avoid communicating?

2. Lyrics. Lyrics being a lot harder than music. WTF is this?!?!? Why are lyrics so much harder than music? So our little cadre – the Impromptu Task Force to Inject Hilarity into Technology Policy – we have been writing some songs about broadband. So inspired by Mary Alice's AMC-side stylings, I get into my head the word ‘BROADband’ to the refrain of ‘Roxanne’ by the Police.

“Hey guys!” I say. “We should write lyrics to the Sting song…broad-band/You don’t have to turn on the red light/turn on the red light…walk the pipes for money...something like that!”

But what I discovered is, the lyrics don’t just follow. Writing lyrics is really really hard, especially if you already think of an overlay to a tune. We sat at Busboys and Poets on the last night of Knowledge Exchange and tried, and it was very difficult to do, regardless of the amount of red wine consumed.

“Broadband… you want to watch YouTube all night…”

“Broadband…it’s not a privilege it’s a right…ever since I knew ya, I want to download to ya…”

“I think upload sounds better than download.”

“Yeah, it’s dirtier. You know: I wanna UP load to ya (Marvin Gaye vocal thrust)”

“We can’t think about broadband as a prostitute. We should think about her as a prude, and she should spread her love with everyone?"

At this point, Dan opens a GoogleDoc of lyrics… but lyrics are still hard, WTF.

3. The incredible police repression at the G-20. WTF is this!?!

4. Elliot Smith, currently playing in the Big Bear café as I write this. Still, Elliot Smith. Still. WTF is this?!?!?

5. “Death!” said Lauren Townsend. “What is that? What is that?!”

6. The trailer for 2012. WTF is this?!? Another movie about the end of the world, with a black President. In the last shot of the trailer, the giant destroyer U.S.S. John F. Kennedy falls on top of the White House. WTF is this?!?

7. According to the Washington Post, the Democratic Party is having a hell of a time raising money from rich people because of the ‘extreme anti-business tone of the current administration and Congress.’ WTF is this?!?

8. Amalia Deloney’s passionate speech about communications rights and oppression of poor people under that bigass American flag in a hearing room in the Rayburn building. I think this is an anti-WTF is this!??!

9. Everyone in this coffeeshop has a computer on their table. Everyone. WTF is this?!?

10. Ship-to-shore radio. My grandfather - he was a Communications officer in the Navy for 8 years – he took my hand, and he put it over the two metal nails under his skin above his chestplate. “Feel that,” he said. “That’s the heart transplant.

“I’ve been through hell,” he said, and he stared at me, and I had never seen so far into his eyes. “Two wars. My friends, shot. I’ve been through hell.”

WTF is this?!?

Hannah